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Rules to Live By

21 Sep

The Cat Rule of Hampering, by Max and Mikey:

If one of your humans is engaged in some activity and the other is idle, stay with the busy one. This is called “helping,”otherwise known as “hampering.” Following are the rules for “hampering:”

1) When supervising cooking, sit just behind the left heel of the cook. You cannot be seen and thereby stand a better chance of being stepped on and then picked up and comforted.

2) For book readers, get in close under the chin, between eyes and book, unless you can lie across the book itself.

3) For paperwork, lie on the work in the most appropriate manner so as to obscure as much of the work as possible or, at least, pretend to doze; but, every so often reach out and slap the pencil or pen.

4) For people paying bills or working on income taxes or Christmas cards, keep in mind the aim: to hamper! First, sit on the paper being worked on. When dislodged, watch sadly from the side of the table. When activity proceeds nicely, roll around on the papers, scattering them to the best of your ability. After being removed for the second time, push pens, pencils, and erasers off the table, one at a time.

5) When a human is holding the newspaper in front of him/her, be sure to jump on the back of the paper. Humans love to jump.

6) When human is working at computer, jump up on desk, walk across keyboard, bat at mouse pointer on screen and then lay in human’s lap across arms, hampering typing in progress.

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One response to “Rules to Live By

  1. notquiteold

    September 21, 2011 at 10:02 am

    So true! And let’s not forget land-line phone hampering. You can step on the buttons, play with the cord, or just plain “act-up” so only person-to-cat conversation can occur.

     

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