It’s truly shocking that you had the nerve to leave me for several days. That strange neighbor lady does not know how to properly fill my food dish, and she simply doesn’t give me the adoration I’ve become used to. And now you’re back, and you expect …. what? You think I’m going to purr, and rub your ankles like I’m glad to see you? Dream on. It doesn’t matter how much you fawn over me or try to tempt me with treats. I want to make it abundantly clear that your behavior is unacceptable. You need to understand that I simply don’t care that you’re back.
But later — after you’ve cleaned my box, and filled my dish with something yummy, and you’ve clearly understood that I’ve rejected you — then, I will offer forgiveness. I’ll curl up on your lap, and you can pet me and tell me I’m beautiful, and I’ll purr. I’ll be happy because my life is back to normal. And you’ll be happy because — well, because I am.